Being that I delve into people's personalities and lifestyles, I prejudge people. I personally don't think that's a bad thing, but I don't know. Most of my intuitions are right on point, but I don't let that veer me off my course with friends. I think of it has a hurdle that I have to overcome to gain their favor.
My friend Matt ... who lives in Phildelphia has been committed to his partner, Joe for 6 years has just recently broken up with his boyfriend. I have been there supporting him throughout the process. He's been taking it well.
However, I yearn for him which hardens my heart for my true love, James ... my partner for 2 years. Here's a summary:
Henry: Well, when you and James hugged me - we both kind of pressed our crotches together ...
Henry: ... and I almost died.
Henry: But, you and I know that will never happen.
Henry: You're such a tease and I hate it!
Henry: Like ... I wanted to grab you on the dance floor and just like sensual touch you like I did James while we were on the dance floor.
Henry: The worse thing is that ... [sighs]
Henry: ... I envision a lot about you ...
Henry: ... but, that's OK ... I couldn't tell you that stuff ...
Henry: ... it would defeat my blog.
Matt: if only i had a taste for your kind. :( :( :(
Henry: LOL ... it's OK ... no hard feelings.
Henry: I don't know how to tell you this though ...
Henry: ... you're like everything I want in a BF.
Henry: You have the looks, the body .... the personality ... everything.
Henry: I just don't know if you can cook ... and play a musical instrument beside the skin flute.
Henry: ... the way you danced on the dance floor was priceless.
Henry: Why am I telling you this?
Henry: However - you and I both know that we CAN be both slutty.
Matt: i CAN cook... but i usually don't
Matt: and i used to play the piano, clarinet, saxaphone
Matt: but i don't anymore
Henry: ... [sighs[
Henry: ... ]cries]
Henry: You have rhythm ... which is a doubleplusgood in my book.
Matt: aww you liked my dancin :)
Henry: If I could only touch you ...
Henry: ... but, my emotions and raging lust for you would take over.
Henry: But, I respect you for who and what you are.
Henry: You're not just a piece of meat to me.
Henry: I truly love James 110% and I cannot lose what I have with James.
Henry: ... James is my soulmate and I would just die if I did something to hurt him.
Henry: My friend David - who came over from Ohio ... I was completely in love with him too and he's an emo-betch ... and me being so matronly - he spend a week with us last year ... and he was crying one night and I comforted him.
Henry: ... one thing led to another and I made out with him.
Henry: ... I kind of jerked him off too.
Henry: ... but, I didn't finish - we felt so bad.
Henry: ... I didn't have the heart to tell James.
Henry: But, I knew that if I didn't tell him that I wouldn't tell him at all.
Henry: So, when I told him ... it was like a rock fell off my shoulders ... and I told him that I would never do that again.
Henry: I keep asking him that if pushing the envelope on how much I talk about you.
Henry: He's cool with it, but he doesn't want to see/hear the same thing over again that I did with David.
Matt: sometimes i wonder what he can handle in that regard
Henry: I know - he's a noob.
Matt: but i don't know your relationship so it's not my place to say stop
Matt: ya know?
Henry: I know ...
Henry: But, I can't have you.
Henry: I wish I could.
Henry: I don't know how much James likes you.
Henry: But, he's kind of reserved.
Matt: well i want to be honest with you
Matt: i don't think i'd do a 3some either ;)
Henry: By all means.
Henry: That's understandable.
Henry: ... [dies a little]
Matt: better you die a little now than a lot later ;)
Henry: That's true - I really love our friendship and I really want to be there for you and all of my friends ... I just don't want to fuck it up, ya know?
Matt: well i'm fairly difficult to annoy
Henry: I figured that.
Henry: Can I tell you something that's on my blog about you?
Matt: if you'd like :)
Henry: There's a poll between you and James.
Henry: I listed your traits and James' traits.
Matt: uh huh
Henry: ... which I can't tell you - but, they are factual.
Henry: .... the ongoing poll consists of who should I marry?
Henry: ... the title: "WHO MAKES A BETTER HUSBAND."
Henry: ... so far, James is way in the lead.
Henry: I know little of us.
Henry: I know little of you - that is.
Henry: Meaning - if you can be a dad[that's why I asked you that question] ... income, living style, clothing ... etc.
Henry: .... but, it's inconclusive because, I don't have a full run down of you yet.
Henry: Which in due time - I might get if you are willing to "share the wealth" ...
Henry: ... as of 8AM this morning ... James: 58%, you: 42%.
Henry: One of my readers said, "'Matt sounds like a great guy, however, I don't know his anything about his living style and other favorite things."
Henry: Another person said, "Henry, James and you should always stay together - you are both in harmony with each other. Don't let Mike mess your mind up. Mike has a lot of the qualities and thingajiggies that you are looking for, but James is the right guy for you. Your lust for Mike will pass, just like when you had your times with David."
Matt: sounds like you have a great reader base.
Henry: I have over 600+ people who read it.
So, I think that you get the jist of going on with Matt I have to comment about the highlighted portion above in the conversation that I had.
I would like to get to know more about Matt, but I know that my emotions are going to take over and just want me to yearn for him even more. Can someone explain to me what I should do? The good thing is that he's doesn't live near me. It's like my heart is shattered it two. Any advice readers out there?